I hope I never have to hurt someone to get what I want again. I don’t enjoy hurting people, it’s not a past time of mine and it’s not an enjoyable experience in any way. It makes me feel selfish… Putting my own wants before someone else’s feelings, especially a friend’s feelings. I don’t like decisions >.<. Don’t get me wrong I love freedom and choice and all that stuff but they tend to be very difficult. When choosing between friends and family or a whole host of other options. I don’t really do well with them and I tend to try to avoid the decision as much as possible. I really just hope I’m not faced with an impossible decision to make like choosing the love of my life over my family or something else like that. That would be insanely difficult and I would love it if my life could just avoid those very difficult decisions because I would probably just sit there and bang my head against the wall which is counterproductive.
I’ve always had this one goal for my life, this one ambition I suppose. To change someone else’s life for the better. That is something that I think would give my life meaning and purpose. I’d like to know that because I exist someone’s life is better. Not just some ordinary thing either, something that so many others could do in my place but something unique to me that only I could do.
Something I have to forgive someone for… I have to forgive you for the little jokes, the little jibes at me that play over in my head every time I see your face. You’re still a little immature kid who thinks it makes you a bigger person to put other people down. That’s fine, live in your little world of lies. I hope you realize the truth soon enough, that if you insult your friends you won’t have them for very long.
To someone else: I have to forgive you for hurting me in a way that no one else has before. For turning me down and leading me on the way you did. I hated you for it, for the longing and the loneliness you forced me to face. I forgive you for choosing someone else, for deeming me unworthy of your good graces. It may have taken me a while, but I do finally forgive you.
I have to forgive myself for not speaking when I should have, for being afraid and hesitating. But it happened, and I lost two really good friends because I didn’t communicate well enough. I get scared and I just run away from the situation and hope it disappears. Well it did disappear, along with those two people. I just have to come to terms with it, that things won’t just pop back into place like they did the first time. I have to deal with the fact that I hurt someone, and there is somewhere out there who hates me because of what I did to them. It’s been 3 months, and I still think about what I could have done and what I should have done and curse myself for being such an idiot. I’m still working on this one…
Gosh I’m horrible at these things. I can’t keep up! So I guess I’ll just do all the days I missed today.
Things I love about myself. I love personality. I’m pretty proud of it, not trying to sound conceited or anything but I really can’t help it. Sometimes I make comments or jokes that just amaze me and I just laugh at my amazingness. There’s really not a whole lot that I love about myself, even my personality I really don’t like most of the time. Oh well. It’s something!
Something I hate about myself… I hate how indecisive I can be at times. A lot of the time I can’t make a decision for the life of me. I mean, not only small things but big things too. I halfway decide on one thing and then take it back or start to go through with it and start to regret it wondering about what would happen if I had gone the other way. I wish I just knew exactly what I wanted when I wanted it and when I got it, I wouldn’t regret it or take it for granted.
Also, I hate that I’m such a pushover… I really am. I let people say anything about me, things that most people wouldn’t stand. The people closest to me insult me all the time, and I really don’t mind most of the time because I know they’re joking and they don’t really mean it. Sometimes though, I just wish I could stick up for myself and say a really good come back, but nothing ever comes to mind. I’m just too nice >.<
Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.
Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.urself.
School has officially begun! I was worried at first because I wasn’t sure if I would know anybody in my classes but in every single class I know at least a couple people so I’m completely fine now. My teachers aren’t as great as they were last semester, but then again no one could beat Moses or Smith :). I was upset my first couple of days because my classes were just so disappointing and also I didn’t get a chance to see my high school friends so that was a little depressing since I had been used to seeing them all the time during summer. I’m getting over it though. I’ll see them on Fridays and the weekends so that makes me feel better.
Today was a pretty good day, I didn’t get a good night’s sleep but that’s really my own fault for taking a nap. I’m trying to be good and get a set sleep schedule but it’s not an easy task at all! Especially for me since I’ve always had trouble getting to sleep. Anyway, Trig, easy peasy. History was kind of dull but whatever, then “Leadership” I guess it’s called now. That was fun, thankfully no more study hours! Wooooot! Or insanely annoying portfolio checks :). We were all just talking and laughing after class, I was missing high school the first couple days because of my friends but today I guess I realized that I have friends here too. I mean there’s Derek, Vi, River, Amanda, Triny, even my brother (we had our very first class together ever!).
This year is going to be amazing :). I have great friends and family and that’s all I really need. I suppose now I’ll have to start thinking about my future and applying to colleges and maybe getting some volunteer hours. I just need to stay busy and I’ll be fine. All I need to make my life extremely perfect is a great job :). Not an annoying or gross one but a cool one with fun people and adventures. Can’t wait!
Today was the last official day of summer. 12 hours from now I will be in my new trigonometry class. I hope I know someone in it and the teacher is cool. I was actually looking forward to school until now. I would love just one more week of summer, this past week went by so fast I still don’t feel like my summer is over yet.
This summer has been the best so far. I had some great times with my friends and family. I went on vacation and got to visit my best friend :). Just so much has happened, sure there was drama and I lost a couple friends along the way, but I also made some other ones so it kind of evened out anyway.
I hope this school year will be good… I never really know what to expect. I guess I’ll just have to wait and find out. I know I have some dull classes but hopefully there are some cool people in them to make it all just a little more bearable :)
I really have no idea what this site is, I just thought it looked cool so I’m made one. Not sure what I’ll use it for yet but I guess we’ll see.
Page 1 of 2